What am I? Am I a blogger? Really?
Since I’ve started blogging I’ve found myself asking endless questions about it in my head. Sometimes I could suppress them long enough to write a somewhat decent post, but other times… well, I’m not so lucky.
I feel as though I’ve gone through several different stages in blogging, and I have a sneaking suspicion that I will have to go through more. I went through a stage of fear— fear of being exposed, judged, rejected, etc. the usual, I suppose. Then I went through stages of clarity– of absolute, mute white bliss where the writing just flowed through me like water. I stood my ground at this juncture, solidifying (or so I thought) my place in the crowded internet cosmos as a blogger in my own right.
But underneath the surface, there was something heavy and cloying. And now it’s gripping me by the shoulders and staring straight through my eyeballs. It’s confusion, and it’s put me in a gape-jawed existential crisis state.
Let me explain.
About a month ago I was sitting at a coffee shop in my hometown, waiting for a friend to arrive. I was just minding my own business, when I overheard the complaints of a lady sitting at the table next to me. She was incredibly vexed as she exclaimed to her companion something along the lines of, “You can’t just do that. Di pwede na ‘blog-blog’ lang!”
She wasn’t talking about her companion; she was complaining to her companion about someone else. Whether or not she was talking about me, I can’t be sure. She probably wasn’t, but her words struck me. Combined with the mishmash of thoughts and feelings I already had about blogging, her words swirled into my subconscious and created a paralyzing brew.
It made me question myself, and what I was really doing. What did she mean? Were these things I’ve been hearing and reading about blogging just varied opinions, or is there really a strict standard to what a blogger is supposed to be doing? And either way, does that mean that I’m not doing this right? That I’m not really a blogger? That I’m a FRAUD??!?
Like what often happens with me and my thoughts, I went through analysis paralysis (which explains why I haven’t been posting as much or as often). To get out of that rut, I did what I usually do in these cases– I decided to write!
I didn’t know where to begin untangling this web with just my own thoughts and words though. I needed input from people who blogged, but didn’t necessarily find themselves in the same state of mind that I was in. With the help of a very kind friend, I was able to get input from a handful of bloggers. All they had to do was answer one simple question- “What is blogging to you?”
“Blogging is a form of self-expression that has the ability or potential to inspire, empower, influence, and change the world (the universe rather). When you create a blog, you create an extension of your personality. :)”
– Rea Alducente, www.blissfulsnapshots.com
“Blogging is like food for me. Without it , I’ll die.”
– Carlo Andrew Olano, www.kalamicebu.com
“Blogging is Life!” – Philip Andrew Mayol, skiptheflip.com
“Blogging is one of the great equalizers of our time. We never had a time where there was a tremendous growth of entrepreneurs and digital millionaires. One of its major triggers is blogging.” – Ruben Licera, escooped.com
So it seems blogging is as varied as the people who do it. It’s not just a mere business or marketing tool, for many people it’s an extension of themselves. It’s a means of expression, education as well as entertainment. And if that’s the case, then really, there is no such thing as “blog-blog lang”.
I find this to be far from the conclusion though. My mind keeps egging me on to delve deeper, to find out if there is more to this whole blogging thing than what I’ve come to believe. Perhaps it’s continuously evolving, and that’s why I can’t seem to put my finger on it no matter how hard I try. Blogs used to be more like public diaries; nowadays they’re more like businesses. Maybe tomorrow they will be something wholly different.
Whatever blogging will be, I’ll just keep doing what I love. And that’s writing.
But what about you though? What is blogging to you? 😉